A Letter to My Single Self

This letter is for anyone who is struggling through a season of singleness right now. It’s for me, for you, the ones who are sweating the single life right now, so listen up.


Dear Allison,

The other day you were asked a question that made your blood boil and your skin crawl. “Why are you still single?” “Don’t you want to date?” “What’s the deal with that?” You felt obligated to answer. You felt obligated to defend yourself. Yet, you were at a loss for words. You smiled and said that you haven’t found the one yet, but on the inside, all you wanted to say was that it is nobody’s business, and to never ask you that again. 

You dwelled on that question for the remainder of the night and then you began to fall into that dangerous trap of self-loathing. You told yourself that you’re ugly, you’re fat, and you’re not worthy of love. You convinced yourself that nobody can love you, (never mind the fact that you’re only 23 years old.), and you have begun to resolve yourself to the fact that you will be forever alone, living with ten cats. You remind yourself that you’ve never had a real relationship, so surely, it must be too late for you. 

Seriously, what is up with those thoughts girlfriend? They’re unhealthy and they cause you so much misery. I’m here to tell you to take those thoughts of yours and put them in the garbage. For good. You’ve been telling yourself these lies for years now, and you’ve started to believe them. They have become part of your core beliefs now. Those should not be going through your mind. What should be going through your mind is: why am I not being kinder to myself?! I need to give myself a break!

Let me tell you something: you’re 23 years old. Your life has just begun. Why are you letting your relationship status define who you are? So what if you haven’t found your true love yet? Maybe you’re just not ready. Maybe he’s not ready. Maybe God has other plans in store for you before you settle down. Maybe God wants you to develop a loving, and gentle relationship with Him (and yourself!) first. 

You don’t think so, but you are in such a good place in your life. You’re learning to spread your wings and fly on your own. You just graduated from college, you’re in your first “big girl” job, and you’re just starting to settle into adulthood. You’re in that part of your life where you’re finding out who you are, and what you want. 

You have the chance to relish in your freedom, in your space. To answer to no one, but yourself  Why don’t you just simply enjoy the season you’re in right now? 

It’s okay to enjoy your single life, you know. It’s okay to live, laugh, learn, dream, explore, and create…all on your own. It’s okay to be happy on your own. Let yourself be happy.

Let’s pause for a moment: throughout your young life you have had opportunities to change who you are in order to get a guy. You’ve had many chances to compromise yourself and your values to fit in with others, but, you didn’t. And you know something? That is really freakin’ brave! Stop putting yourself down for that, and start patting yourself on the back!

You could have settled for one of those egotistical, machismo, boys in high school. You could’ve thrown yourself at the guys you worked with. But, you didn’t. Why? You had, and still have respect for yourself. You refuse to be anyone’s play toy. You know what you want, you know what you deserve, and you refuse to settle for anyone less. Bravo!

Truth is, you’re a badass. I know you rarely ever feel like one, but you are. You’ve chosen to accept the path that is destined for you, instead of rail against it. That’s something to be proud of. Walk with confidence, walk with your head held high. I know you want to hurry through this season of singleness, but remember, there is a blessing in this. 

Lean on your Faith. Focus on putting your relationship with God first, and yourself second. The rest will fall into place in due time. God wouldn’t have you in this season if there wasn’t something good to come from it. Change your perspective, change your thinking. Instead of focusing on what or who you don’t have, focus on the things and the ones that you DO. 

You’re surrounded by a great group of family and friends. Stop wasting your time looking at your Facebook page to see who else got engaged or started a family, and start being in the present moment, loving those who love you with every ounce of your soul.

Remember, this is a beautiful and messy time in your life, but that is perfectly fine.  You’re an amazing person who will one day find someone to complete you. For now, practice gratitude, practice happiness, practice kindness and compassion. Pour the love you’d be giving to that special someone, into yourself, your family, your friends, and your passions. Have experiences, take chances, GROW, get healthy, trust in yourself, and do not be afraid. 

Love,

You.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you ” Jeremiah 29: 11-12

 

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Calming Anxiety By Finding My Paradise (And How You Can Too!)

We’re all on a journey toward finding our paradise. What makes us happy? What brings us joy? What fills our lives with purpose? That’s what I have been longing to find.

Most people would say that their paradise is a place….perhaps, a beach, their home, a cruise ship…but, to me, it’s more of a state of mind.

When I think of paradise, I think of a place of pure happiness. Bliss. Where I feel free. Relaxed. Joyful. Energetic. At Peace. It’s a feeling that warms my heart.

Living a life with GAD, and constantly being on an emotional roller coaster is anything but peaceful and easy.  It’s chaotic, frustrating, and often, weary. I’ll admit, it really is difficult to find a place of clarity and joy, but, through all of the muck and gunk of GAD, I’m learning to slowly find my paradise & what that means to me. 

My paradise happens when I’m not thinking about it, chasing after it, or obsessively searching for it. It happens in the most unexpected, unplanned, spontaneous moments.

love a good vacation. I love to be cozy on my couch in my PJs with a cup of Andes Mint Coffee or tea when winter brings an icy, snowy blast.

I love my private time when I can blast the music and let my voice echo down my hallway, or in the microphone of my karaoke stand. How I absolutely adore singing!

I love going for quiet walks on a sunshine filled day – observing nature and all of its magnificent beauty.

I love those sweet, sweet moments driving around with my mom. Playing our favorite songs, windows rolled down, (or heat on high), talking, and singing. I love our girl’s weekends in Boston, and quoting “The Golden Girls” on a daily basis. (Yes, my mom and I are today’s Dorothy and Sophia. No, we’re not one bit ashamed!)

I love watching “Last Man Standing” and “Duck Dynasty” with my dad & laughing non-stop through it all. Or, laughing at my incredible ability to mispronounce the names of old 70s and 80s bands! 🙂

I love the sound of a cricket choir in the background on spring and summer nights. Gazing up at the stars in amazement. The glow of fireflies.

I love the feeling of holding a newborn baby. The unexplainable joy I get from simply coloring a picture with my four-year old Godson, or from spending time in imagination land with my seven-year old cousin.

The quiet times spent in meditation and prayer. Drawing nearer to Jesus. Following the path that He designed for me. Resting in the secure knowledge that He loves me unconditionally. Just the way I am, flaws and all. 

The laughter and time spent overnight or at lunch with my grandmother. The memories, wisdom, love, and stories of the good old days shared by her.

Those precious times when I’m hugging someone I’ve missed incredibly. The moments of chatting with a friend.

Reading a book that is so powerful that it takes my breath away. (Thank you, Mandy Hale!)

The first few moments of a thunderstorm, followed by the beauty of a rainbow symbolically showing that no matter what happens, everything will be ok. 

All of those are my happy places.

But, there’s one thing in particular that is my number one form of paradise.  My paradise is found through surrounding myself with animals.


There is nothing in this world that I love more than cuddling with my precious dog. When he sits gently on my lap, sleeps soundly at the foot of my bed, and licks away the sadness and tears off of my face.  THAT is unconditional love. That is my paradise.

Advocating for them, is what I’m meant to do.

When I volunteer at our local Humane Society and am surrounded by the hundreds of puppies, kittens, dogs, and cats; I feel at home.

When I blog, to spread awareness of adoption, fostering, spaying, and the tragedy of abuse and neglect – my heart and soul fills with a fiery burst of goodness.

When I read a story of a life that is saved, of a happily ever after for an animal who got a much deserved second chance, there is a joy that comes through me in a way that nothing else can.

That is my paradise. 

Four-legged friends running, jumping, snuggling all around me – there isn’t anything much better than that…in my book, anyway.

When I look into the eyes of my pets, or of any animal, I see a soul. I see love. I see happiness, and gratitude. I see myself in them. 

God has given me a very special gift, a love for these creatures in my heart. He has placed a dream that’s so big, and so powerful in my heart that I would reach for the moon to achieve it.

I consider myself very blessed to have this passion, this form of paradise in my life. And, while I’m still learning to fully appreciate the beauty of having this gift, I will never take it for granted.


How To Discover Your Paradise:

Think about it. Write it down. Then, LIVE it. Make time for your paradise!

Prayer: God, I thank you for blessing me with these fiery passions. Thank you for allowing me to experience the beauty in all of these things – even when I’m sometimes too blind or stubborn to see and appreciate it. I know all things work together for your greater good. Amen